i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
