I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
