i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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