I think my fart just growled at me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
