i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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