After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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