I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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