my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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