And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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