I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
