they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
