Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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