11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
