I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
