Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
