watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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