Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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