A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
