you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
