So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
