wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
