never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
