And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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