You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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