She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
