i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize