How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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