If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is wine microwaveable?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
