Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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