hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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