woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Four minutes until I can fart!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
