Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
