shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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