even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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