Please, let me fuck your mom
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
3pm strippers are depressing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
