new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Little spoons don't ask big questions
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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