I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
