I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
