Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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