Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
