Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
