do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
