Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
