the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
