I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
