i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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