when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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