Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
