how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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