What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
