what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
