You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
