his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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