So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
