You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
