Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
