just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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