We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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