so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize