Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
