My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
