the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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