My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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