Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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