So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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