she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We left the knife in your bed.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
