You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
