if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
