I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
