I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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