I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
